Judgment hurts.  Period.  Whether it is your own critical self-judgment or the snarky words dished out to you by a friend, family member or acquaintance.  Critical words can stick like glue in one’s mind for years–sometimes even decades.  Here are some thoughts on how to cope, let it go and move forward:

10 Tips for Mindfully Coping With Judgment 

Susan Albers
 
 
  • Judgments are Telling. Judgments are often a projection of someone’s insecurities, fears and worries. How someone judges you says more about THEM than it does about YOU.
  • Start With Yourself:  When you notice self judgement creeping up, give yourself a gentle little mental nudge and say, “Oh there’s that pesky inner critic again.”  Then, follow up with a compassionate statement (I’m okay, just as I am.”) “A day spent judging another is a painful day. A day spent judging yourself is a painful day.” – Buddha
  • Don’t Believe the Inner Critic.  Remember:  A thought is NOT a fact.  Just because you think it, doesn’t mean you have to believe it.  Just because someone says it, doesn’t mean it’s a fact.
  • Understand the Pain.  If a comment or judgment hits a nerve, there is often something that needs to be healed.  Spend your energy on understanding why it hurts instead of worrying about other people’s comments.
  • Call Them OUT.  It’s not okay to be a bully. “Your statements are hurtful.  Can we talk about it?”
  • It doesn’t matter what THEY think, it’s what you think of yourself.  Ask yourself if you are following your own values and beliefs.  If so, let that be the end of the story!  Don’t give people who don’t really matter your emotional energy or time.  
  • Be Curious, Not Critical.  Instead of placing judgment (that’s bad…) ask questions about the situation (I wonder why she would….).
  • Remember Your Shoe Size:  No one can judge you unless they walk in your shoes.  People don’t know the whole story—we all make assumptions when we don’t have all the information and fill in the gaps with our own experience/beliefs.
  • Not Better Or Worse, Just Different.  We often compare ourselves to others by placing value (good vs. bad or better vs. worse).  Stop using all or nothing categories.  Acknowledge and describe differences, rather than ranking them.
  • Just Ignore.  That can be easier said than done, but often it’s the best way to respond to haters.  “Ignore the boos, they often come from the cheap seats.”-Anonymous. 

Dr. Susan Albers is a clinical psychologist at the Cleveland Clinic and New York Times Best-selling author.  Here latest book is Hanger Management: Master Your Hunger and Improve Your Mood, Mind, and Relationships 

Download tip sheet! 

DOWNLOAD PDF HERE:  TipsforCopingWithJudgment (1)

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